There Will Always Be A Friend
by marryanne135
Summary: AU. Blaine Anderson was the only popular kid who was ever nice to Kurt Hummel at McKinley. When Blaine comes out, losing all his friends and being bullied nonstop, Kurt tries to reach out to him through written words. this is their story through letters.
1. The Introduction

**AN- this is an AU where Blaine and Kurt have been going to the same schools all their life. Kurt's story is the same except for the Dalton story line. Takes place post- furt. Oh and in this story, Blaine does not wear hair gel. Please forgive me for any mistakes I make in here, I comb through my stories many times but I always seem to find the mistakes after I publish the story. I do not own glee. **

Blaine Anderson had always been the one popular person who would help Kurt off the ground when another jock pushed him into a locker, the one boy who would tell them to stop picking on him. Kurt knew Blaine was on the football team, but he also suspected there was something more behind those large chestnut eyes that always seemed a million miles away. Blaine never necessarily smiled at him; in fact Kurt always thought he had an appraising, curious, and almost longing expression whenever he looked at Kurt. Kurt had always just assumed that Blaine had the same feelings and opinions as every other jock, except was too nice of a guy to do anything about it, or feel comfortable watching others do so.

It had been just after Christmas that the rumors had started. It was a strange experience for Kurt to walk into school and have every head turn in his direction. Though this wasn't exactly a rare occurrence, due to the insane outfits and obvious homosexuality he usually held, Kurt knew, however, that this head turning and muttering was of a different nature. As the day went on, people seemed to be looking at him, without muttering about him. In fact, after wondering what in the world was going on, Kurt ease dropped on the mutterers conversations, and found to his increasing shock that they were muttering about Blaine Anderson. Muttering with a venom in their voices that Kurt usually associated with pee balloons and locker room horrors. What in the world had happened to make to make Blaine Anderson, the all around respected and well liked kid who got top grades and was friends with all the top people, suddenly an outcast? It seemed everyone in the school was muttering about Blaine, and it wasn't until after the final bell rang for class that Kurt discovered why.

He had been walking down the hallways, looking forward to going home and maybe talking to Finn about how chocolate bars are not a decent breakfast choice just because they have milk in them, when 3 things happened in quick succession. There was a loud, disgusted shout of that unforgivable word, "faggot!" Kurt ducked, expecting a shove or a punch or some sort of painful injury, but instead a loud bang echoed from right behind him, the bang of someone being pushed with astonishing force into the hard metal lockers that lined the hallways. Kurt, after deeming himself safe and in no immediate threat of injury, stood up and spun around to find, to his horror, a crumpled up Blaine Anderson on the floor, looking so downcast that Kurt saw tears streaming down his face and several nasty bruises scattered along his cheeks and his brow. Kurt saw himself in the beaten up boy who had once been top of the school.

Kurt had no idea what to do. He found himself backing away slowly, wanting to help Blaine, but at the same time wanting to get as far away as possible. What did this mean? They had used that word, _that_ word that has caused so much pain, and that was rarely used on people who weren't gay. Was Blaine Anderson gay? Kurt doubted it. all he knew was all he wanted to do was help the poor boy on the floor, yet get out of the situation right away, so he rushed out to his car, thinking about how ridiculous it was to think someone like _Blaine Anderson _was gay, and that it probably didn't involve him, even if people seemed to be staring at him while muttering about Blaine. But still, Kurt thought as he found himself parking into the Hummel-Hudson driveway, there was something wrong, something terribly wrong, and he wanted to know what it was.

He made his way to the kitchen to find Finn at the table looking furious. Kurt stopped in the doorway, worried.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked tentatively.

Finns head snapped up, and he looked at Kurt with a pained expression on his face, looking like he was on the verge of… tears? Kurt just waited, getting more and more anxious as the seconds wore on.

"Blaine Anderson, Kurt" Finn said, "god, it's like with you all over again and I can't stand it! he's gay, Kurt! He's gay and everyone is giving him hell for it! I tried to stop them but there wasn't much I could do when it was me against the whole rest of the football team. Everyone just came to school today knowing, he must have come out over break or something, but, god!" Finn stood up and stomped out of the room muttering about how evil the world and the school is and swearing how much he hated the whole lot of them, leaving a shell-shocked Kurt standing motionless in the doorway to the kitchen.

After hours and hours of thought and pacing and a small little anxiety attack over how ridiculous what he wanted to do was, Kurt found himself at his desk with a pen and paper and about 20 pieces of crumpled up paper balls to his left. Kurt read over his letter, trying hard to see it as an outsider, to see it the way Blaine would see it.

_Dear Blaine Anderson,_

_I hope you do not find this creepy or out of place, for I am scared out of my mind this it is, but all I want to do is let you know that if you ever need a friend, I am here, and so is my brother Finn, though I'm not quite sure if he would ever show it. He was absolutely furious at the people who have been picking on you. they say you're gay, and maybe you're not, I know things like that can be perceived without being true, but if you aren't I hope you are not too offended by what I have to say next, for it is only relevant if you are. _

_I spent my entire life without any friends, which I know is not your situation, but the reason was that everyone seemed to know I was gay before I even started noticing the difference between boys and girls. I found out my sophomore year that you can find happiness and acceptance in people you would have never guessed you could ever be friends with. I found out that even through the cuts on your back from being thrown into dumpsters and pushed into lockers, there is always something to be happy about. _

_I have absolutely no idea what your situation is Blaine, and I hope you do not find it too audacious of me to be writing this to you, but I couldn't stand the thought of watching you go through the same things I have been through and not doing what I had always wished someone would do for me, and let you know that you are not alone, and that if you ever need one, you will always have a friend. Thank you so much for sticking up for me all these years, and I hope you will let me help you if you ever need it. _

_-Kurt Hummel. _

Figuring he could not make the letter any better, Kurt slipped the note tied with purple string in a neat bow into Blaine's locker the next morning with trembling fingers, hoping with all of his heart that Blaine would not be offended, and hoping he was doing the right thing.

**AN- I'm not quite sure how long the rest will be, but each chapter will be a letter from either Kurt or Blaine, and this will be many chaptered story. I would appreciate reviews immensely. **


	2. The Second Step

**AN-I've gotten a whole bunch of reviews for my first chapter and I just want to say thank you so much! It really inspires me to make chapters quicker. I always work better when I know people are relying on me. **

**The updates will probably be fairly close together due to the shortness of the chapters. Sorry for that, by the way, it's just hard to make them long with this format I'm using. **

**Anyway, please review, and I do not own glee. **

Kurt waited 2 whole days for some sort of sign from Blaine that he had received Kurt's letter. Indeed, he even though with a little stab of horror that Blaine had been so offended that he was refusing to show signs of recognition out of indignation, for it seemed no matter how often they were in close proximity to each other, Blaine's eyes were always determinately not on Kurt. In the end, however, Kurt decided that Blaine had just not gotten the letter, and that this must have been a sign that the entire idea was absolutely ludicrous.

People still stared at Kurt in the hallways, evil words and venomous voices seemed to fallow Blaine, which was apparent to anyone at McKinley high. Kurt was certain that the bullying would, eventually, die down, but for the moment it seemed every time Kurt saw Blaine he was either being shoved into a locker or having that unforgivable word shouted in his direction. Blaine had seemed to become more and more Brocken as the two days wore on. The bruises on his cheeks were not healing quickly, and he was walking with a slight limp that Kurt guessed was from landing rather harshly in a dumpster. His eyes seemed to have lost their light, and were always wet and puffy; he seemed to be trying to hold back sobs every time Kurt saw him.

On the second day after Kurt had slipped the purple stringed letter into Blaine's locker, he found the diminished looking boy trying to get his attention after school as Kurt made his way to his car. Blaine did not speak, he just took Kurt's hand and put a folded up piece of paper into it while looking straight into Kurt's eyes with an expression of sadness, and Kurt thought he saw thankfulness behind the bloodshot, chestnut brown eyes. Blaine turned away without a word, and Kurt looked down at the letter to find it tied with gold string. He got in his car and opened the letter with trembling fingers.

_Dear Kurt,_

_When I first found your letter I was angry. I was still in the mindset that everything could be reversed, that I could somehow get all my friends back. I'm not going to lie, I wrote a letter telling you to back off and that it was none of your business, but before I could finish writing, I remembered you're words. You can find happiness in people you had never guessed you could be friends with. It was then that I realized that these people who I called friends were never even close to friends and even through all the pain they had caused me, that realization had not once crossed my mind. I apologize for not taking you seriously at first, for not seeing the true meaning behind your letter, though I know you wouldn't even know I had if I hadn't just told you. _

_I've been nice to you all these years because I wished I was you, Kurt. I have no idea which situation is worse, to have to come out to people who had absolutely no idea you were gay, or to have people know before even you knew. Everything in my life has been fake, my friends, my family, my interests, and my sexuality. I enjoy football, I do, but there's so much more I like that I have had to keep secret all my life because I was so scared people would guess what I was. I love to sing, you know? I've never told anyone that._

_I hope this isn't strange of me to be writing in such detail and to be getting so personal, maybe I'm a bit desperate for someone to talk to, a kind shoulder to lean on. You're the first person in the last week who has been nice to me, even my own parents won't look me in the eyes. Honestly, I'm scared, and now that I see the true meaning of your letter, it is giving me great comfort to know there is at least one person out there who understands. Thank you, Kurt. I feel stupid for never getting to know you before this, but I definitely want to get to know you now, if you want to get to know me._

_Sincerely, Blaine._

Kurt whipped a tear from his cheek, smiling at the letter written in what looked like calligraphy, and made his way home with a feeling of hope inflating his chest like a sponge being drenched in warm, scented water.

**Thank you so much for reading!**


	3. Audacity

**A/N-its short I know I'm so sorry! I always hate when authors do that, but I will have another one up within the next 24 hours, in fact if I feel creative maybe within the next few hours. I might start doing more than one letter per chapter. **

**Please review! I do not own glee. **

_Dear Blaine,_

_I completely understand why you would be angry at my letter. I know how much it sucks to be pitied and I understand what it's like for that to be the last thing you want. I don't pity you Blaine, I didn't write you that letter because I felt sorry for you, it was because I wanted to do for you what no one ever did for me. _

_For what situation is worse, I think they are both incredibly painful in their own ways. I want you to know that you don't have to be fake in front of me. I know we don't really know each other, and I know we've hardly spoken a word to each other out loud, but if we ever do get to know each other I am certain that I would not judge you for anything. I love to sing to, and it may be too big of a step for now and I have no idea if you would ever be interested, but the glee club is always looking for more people, and I know they would never judge you because they were the first people to never judge me. _

_It infuriates me to hear about how your parents are treating you. I know I am lucky, and I know I have what so many people want, because my father and his wife accept me no matter what, and Finn does now after a lot learning. I wish I could give that to you, I wish I could give it to every kid who has been rejected because of something they cannot help. _

_I am so happy to know that I have given you comfort, it was the exact thing I was trying to do when I wrote to you, and I will always have a shoulder for you to lean on, and I will always be a friend if you want me to be. Please don't be scared Blaine, I promise you, it always gets better._

_-Kurt. _

Kurt handed the letter to Blaine in the morning in the same manner Blaine had given his letter. He looked into Blaine's eyes as he slipped the piece of paper tied with purple string into the boy's hand, and smiled before walking away without a word. The next morning Blaine did the exact same, slipping a scroll of paper tied with gold string into Kurt's hand before walking away. as Kurt got into his car to read the letter, he noticed a tear stain in the upper right quadrille and touched his finger to it as he began to read the calligraphy like writing.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I am beyond saying I hope I am not being strange, and I am beyond hoping you do not get freaked out by what I say. If there is one thing I have learned in the past few days it is that hiding who you are and hiding your feelings only delays and worsens the moment when it all comes out. I'm not going to hold back what I want to say._

_Kurt, you have made me so happy with your two letters, you have made me see a light at the end of an incredibly long and dark tunnel. I keep thinking about how lucky I am that you had the courage to slip that note into my locker. It seems like every moment of my life is hell until I see you walk through the hallway and I remember how you've shown me with your words that there is always someone who cares. Maybe my parents don't care anymore, and maybe I lost all my friends, but I hope with all my heart that I can have at least one friend. One friend that can be what no other friend could be all my life, and that is a best friend. I have never had a best friend. _

_I'm not so afraid anymore and it is because of your letters. I know I am being incredibly, to use your word from your first letter, audacious, and I am so frightened to give this to you, but I want to tell you how I feel. I have this strange feeling in my chest, or perhaps the absence of the feeling I'm used to when talking to someone and it's a feeling of trust. It's like I trust you blindly at the moment, and it frightens me._

_I'm on a roll here, and I might as well get it all out at once. Will you go to the llama bean coffee house with me some time this weekend? I'm not saying it's a date, and I'm not saying it's not, but I just walk to talk to you in person. You seem like such a nice person on paper, I wish so much to know you in person. _

_Please do not feel freaked out, but with these past few weeks I just don't think I could hold my feeling in much longer. _

_-Blaine_


	4. As You Wish

**A/N- I know this is a very quick update. I wasn't going to put it in till tomorrow, but I just felt like this would be a nice interlude before the next chapter which will hold a letter or 2. No, this one does not have a letter, (sorry!) but it definitely has plot development. If you don't understand the ending, you have never watched the greatest movie of all time. **

**I got a review (thank you!) taking about typos. I have no idea how to get a beta reader and to be honest I'm not quite sure if I want one. I look through them about 20 times before I publish them, but they always seem to carry hidden typos. I hope they're not too distracting, and I'll do my best to catch as many as I can!**

**Please review, I do not own glee. **

Kurt felt elated. After much thought, he had decided that he would talk to Blaine in the morning to tell him that he would be absolutely delighted to have coffee with him over the weekend, and then to write his reply letter in his first block class.

Kurt was making his way down the hallways in the morning toward Blaine's locker (which he only knew the position of due to the many times he had passed Blaine removing books from it) when he noticed that there was a disturbance going on where Blaine's locker was. Kurt made his way through the crowd to find 3 jocks pushing and taunting Blaine who looked torn between fighting back and bursting into tears. After a moment's hesitation, Kurt lunged himself between Blaine and the jocks and yelled,

"I thought you were supposed to stop acting like children about 6 years ago! Leave Blaine alone!"

The jocks looked disgusted, not seeming to have registered Kurt's words in the slightest. They were looking at Blaine with pure revolution in their eyes. As they began to back away, one of them said,

"I should have known this would happen. Ur already fuckin' the Hummel fag." With one last snarling look, they all turned away and rounded a corner.

Ignoring the jolt of shame that had shot up from his stomach to his heart, making it pound harder and louder in his chest, Kurt turned to Blaine and gave a week smile. As Kurt looked at Blaine, he noticed that the boy looked as if he was using ever single ounce of energy he had to keep from busting into tears at that very moment. Knowing that feeling far too well, Kurt took Blaine's hand and led him to an empty classroom.

After Kurt had shut the door, he turned around and placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder. He noticed that Blaine still seemed to be using a great effort to hold back sobs, and said soothingly,

"It's ok Blaine, it's alright." Kurt's words seemed to trigger something in Blaine, who exploded into streaming tears and loud sobs that became muffled as Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine, hoping he wasn't crossing any lines, and wanting with all of his heart to help the boy in his arms. Blaine was managing to apologize through sobs so often that by the time his sobs had died down and Kurt had relinquished his hold on him, Kurt had said "it's ok!" at least 2 dozen times. "Hey," Kurt said as he tried to catch Blaine's eye, "are you still up for coffee this weekend? Say…Saturday at 12?"

Blaine looked up and managed a weak smile. "Yeah, yeah I'd like that. Look, I'm real sorry about just then... I shouldn't have… I mean it was awfully rude of me to just…"

"No, it wasn't." Kurt cut him off. "I know that feeling so well I almost had déjà vu a couple minutes ago. All I ever wanted was for someone to tell me it was alright. And I'm telling you now, it really is, and always will be, alright." Kurt smiled and gestured towards the door. They had to be at least 5 minutes late for class.

Kurt and Blaine made their way out into the deserted hallway, the latter rubbing his eyes and trying to make his bruised face look mildly presentable. They said their goodbyes, but as Kurt had turned away to walk in the opposite direction as Blaine, he heard his name.

"Hey Kurt?" Blaine said, and Kurt turned, a small smile playing at the edge of his lips. "Does this mean no more letters?"

Slightly disappointed, Kurt replied "well I was just going to wait to write it until I knew if and when we would have coffee, but if you don't want me to ill…"

Kurt was cut off a Blaine rushed "no, no I love the letters, id really, really like to keep them going." He smiled, and Kurt was unable to suppress a grin.

Kurt bowed his head slightly and said, before turning away, "as you wish."

As he watched Kurt walk away with a new spring in his step, Blaine wondered if Kurt had meant to quote the princess bride, Blaine's all time favorite movie, and wondered if Kurt knew what Wesley had meant when he had said those words to buttercup.


	5. That Which We Are Born

**A/N- you will always see me quoting some of my favorite things. Who can find the Albus Dumbledore quote from the fourth book?**

**I also want ever one to know that I hate love stories that are purely that. I'm an incredibly philosophical person, and though this is categorized under romance, I will be adding in philosophical ideas everywhere about a wide array of subjects. I do that a bit here. I'm writing a novel at the moment, not fan fiction, and though it could be considered a love story, I say it is a story about life and death and the philosophy of the universe. **

**This is short, I know, but as you might have noticed I do very quick updates. **

**Please review, I do not own glee. **

_Dear Blaine, _

_Today when you cried, you kept apologizing and it hurts me to know that you feel you have to. You have dealt with so much these past few weeks, and you have braved through watching the people you once called friends throw you around. Please Blaine, do not apologize. I just want to be there for you. Please know that I know what you're feeling. I may not know what it is like to be betrayed by friends, and I may not know what it is like to be rejected by my family, but I do know what it is like to be victimized based on something you can't help, something you wish you didn't have. _

_There was a long amount of time where I tried everything I could to like girls. I even stole a playboy magazine once. All I ever wanted was to be just like everyone else. But I knew, as I think you know, that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow up to be. I accepted that I always have been this way and I cannot change it, and I should not try to change it just to comfort those who I am neither hurting nor involved with. I hope you see this too, and I think you may since you came out, though I know that can sometimes happen accidentally or without your consent. My dad said he knew since I was 3._

_Now that I've got that out, I want to say I'm incredibly exited to have coffee with you on Saturday. I'm always so nervous about talking to people, I can never quite manage small talk, but it's like what you said in your last letter. I feel blindly comfortable around you for some reason. It's like I trust you for absolutely no reason. I have to admit, it frightens me a bit as well, but it also makes me happy. For some reason, it makes me feel more alive. _

_Please don't be frightened Blaine. You shouldn't have to feel frightened in school or your own home. I know fear is necessary to stay safe, and I'm not saying be fearless because it your situation that would be dangerous, but just know that I'm here if you need someone, and know that sometimes fear can be worse than that which inspires it._

_Sincerely, _

_Kurt _

Kurt handed the scroll tied with purple string to Blaine later that day as they walked to class together. Somehow, the bullies seemed more reluctant to physically hurt Blaine when he wasn't alone, but that didn't stop them from shouting profanities and taunts at him. Blaine kept his head held high, something Kurt hadn't seen at all lately, though given this was the second time they had talked face to face and Kurt may have just not seen it. He thought he might have been giving Blaine courage. Kurt knew it was an act, he knew because most of his outward confidence was an act as well, but it was still progress.


	6. Norman Rockwell and a Maid Named Alice

**A/N- just so everyone know, I do not write about things I don't understand. I know what its like to be gay and to repress it, and I know how people act in various stages of denial and acceptance not only from my own experience, but from the people in my gay straight alliance at school which I am president of. Please don't get used to the super- quick updates. I keep saying to myself I shouldn't update twice in a day, but hey, I'm in a writing mood today. **

**Also, I am an artist, so any requests for fan art I would love :) anyone interested in seeing my portfolio should tell me! I drew my icon/ avatar thingy. **

**I do not own glee, please review. **

_Dear Kurt, _

_I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed going out with you Saturday. It was such a strange experience for me. With my old "friends" we used to talk about stupid stuff like beer and sports and other people. I never liked the way they talked so insensitively about anyone who wasn't in our group of friends. The only reason I was their friend was because my parents knew their parents so we grew up together. I'm sure they think I had a crush on the whole lot of them. But anyway, with them everything was just normal, but with you I just could not stop smiling. We talked about vogue and music, feelings and the things we have in common. It was so easy to talk to you, and to be honest I was not expecting that. Everything's a surprise with you…_

_I know I avoided the subject at lunch, and I'm sorry. I feel so ashamed of it, but I will to tell you here what happened over winter break. You said in your last letter that you think I would have already accepted myself for who I am. I'm going to be honest with you and myself, I haven't. I want to say I have, I want to say that I can keep my head high and my spirits up, but deep down I'm still that young boy trying to prove to himself that he can like girls and get married with 2 and a half kids, a dog, and a maid named Alice. _

_My parents are the same way. They want so badly for me to have that life, or more likely to be able to tell their friends that I do. My father was nagging me as he usually does about girls, asking me what kind of hair I like and if I like any girls at school, wondering with accusation in his voice why I'm the only one of my friends who couldn't keep a girlfriend. One of the guys from the football team was over, and joined in with my dad's questions. They didn't know I was always the one to break up with them after a week. They would always want to kiss me, I'm not sure if you know what that is like, but it is not a pleasant experience. I just sort of snapped. I have no idea what came over me. I just stood up and started yelling about how I don't care what color girls hair is and how I don't notice the particular size and shape of boobs, and I just yelled that I like boys. My mother just closed her eyes. She hasn't said a word to me since; she's barely looked at me. I think she knew. My father just slapped me and told me to never say such a thing again. It's not like I wasn't expecting it, he's always been prone to violence. I'm not quite sure the situation has sunk in yet for me, I'm not quite sure even I understand how upset I am, so I don't think I would be able to convey it on paper. _

_A part of me is happy that it happened though. I'm even slightly happy my "friend" went and told everyone I was gay after running out of my house like he thought I might rub my gay off on him. It's like I can be who I am. I may have lost everything, and I may get taunted nonstop, but at least I'm not hiding. To be honest though, I'm not quite sure whether it was worth it. I think it was though, and that's because of you. I really like you Kurt, for some reason you have been on my mind a lot lately, and I just want to spend more time with you. _

_Thank you so much for being there for me Kurt. _

_Sincerely,_

_Blaine_

_PS, you have no idea how nervous I am to write this. In fact it took about an hour for me to get up the nerve to, but do you think I can start calling our coffee lunch Saturday a date?_

_It's really big for me to even accept that I want to call it that, but somehow you make it easier to be myself. It seemed necessary to say that. _

_()_

_Dear Blaine,_

_These past few days have been wonderful! I am so happy you are able to confide in me. I always wished that I had had someone like that back when I was going through all that you are. I still am going through it really, but now I have someone to confide in as well. I hope you will consider joining the glee club. I know you are reluctant, rightfully so, but I'm sure everyone would love to have you there. I love walking to classes with you, and I love getting coffee with you after school. _

_I know how nervous you were to ask if we could start calling of coffee runs dates. I was going to answer you in person, but I'm not quite sure you would have liked that. I still find it hard to say that I'm gay out loud after all this time, and since you just came out I'm not quite sure if you would have liked me to say that out loud. Maybe you would have, but the last thing I wanted was to make you uncomfortable around me. The answer though is yes, of course they can be called dates! I won't make assumptions as to what that means._

_I'm so sorry to hear about your parents Blaine. The thought of your father hitting you just makes me want to run over there and hit him, if I didn't think he'd probably be able to snap my arm in half. I know how easy it is to snap like that though. It's a strange psychology to have someone talk harshly about you and around you without knowing their doing so. _

_I hope this doesn't sound selfish of me, but I am glad you came out. I hate how your parents treat you and I hate how people at school bully you, but I love that I am friends with you. You're so easy to talk to and I always have the time of my life when I am with you. _

_Thanking you so much for just being you Blaine. It always gets easier, and there comes a point when you realize you don't need the opposite sex to live in a Norman Rockwell painting. _ _Sincerely, _ _Kurt. _


	7. Secrets

**A/N- I just want to thank all of you for reading! I absolutely love each and every one of you. This one lacks my favorite types of depth, but is deep all the same. I hope some of you caught the Albus Dumbledore quote from the chapter before last. : ) sorry for any mistakes! I swear I go through them a million times.  
>I do not own glee, please review!<strong>

A few weeks passed with no letters. Kurt and Blaine spent as much time together as possible, and the only hint that their relationship was anything other than a close friendship was the frequent coffee trips that they called their dates. The bullying had died down, and both Blaine and Kurt were far happier about this than they were letting off, though there was the occasional shove into a locker and slightly more frequent shouted taunt.

Blaine loved to spend time with Kurt, it brought out a side of him that he had never known existed, and something told him that that side of him was the closest he had come to himself in all his life, but he was also hiding a lot from Kurt. Blaine was feeling far more things than Kurt could ever know or understand, and he found himself sobbing at night for reasons he felt he knew deep down inside, but at the present were completely unknown. Blaine had spent his entire life acting confident and dapper, and he felt slightly guilty for the fact that he had continued that act with an oblivious Kurt.

_Dear Kurt, _

_I'm so frightened. I don't think I could ever tell anyone else this, but I'm scared. I so scared. I have no idea what is going on inside my head. It would almost be comical if it wasn't so scary, but I want to give you everything I love. It's like if something has a great deal of meaning to me, I have a strong desire to give it to you. I can't stop thinking about you. I wish that for just one second my mind could clear so that I could think rationally. Sometimes when I feel upset about my parents or my old friends, then I remember you, and all that other stuff doesn't seem to matter anymore. I have no idea what this is. I keep wanting to be angry at you for doing this to my head, but I feel like to be angry at you would be physically painful to me, and to make you feel bad would be like hurting myself. This is all too strange. I wish I could actually send this to you, but I'm scared ill frighten you away. We've only known each other for a month and a half, but it's as though my life is constructed around you. I know what it feels like for everything in my world to shatter, and I feel like it would be a hundred times worse if you left my life. _

_Love, _

_Blaine. _

Blaine folded this note up and put it in his pillow case, deciding now that he got all of those feelings out of his system, he could write a decent letter to Kurt.

_Dear Kurt,_

_This past month and a half with you has made me so happy to be who I am. I didn't think I could have ever said something like that before I met you. I know that you wish me to go to glee club, but I just don't think I'm ready for that yet. _

_I want to tell you something that has been bothering me lately. Everyone seems to think, even your brother I think, that you and I are only friends because were the only 2 gay kids that go to our school. I know that that is definitely not why I am friends with you. I am your friend because you saved me from myself in a time where I was so low that I very well might have been at rock bottom. You're such a nice person, and I see beyond the bitchy looks and confident aura you show the outside world. Inside, you're just as vulnerable as everyone else, and I love that about you. I hate it when people only see you as a gay kid. You're so much more that that Kurt, I hope you know that. Sometimes I find it hard to believe you're real. _

_I'm sorry it's taken so long to write back to your other letter. You haven't said anything about it but I think you're trying not to say anything that might bother me, but I want you to know that you don't have to do that. You're too gentle with me Kurt, and I want to know everything about you, not just those things you think I won't react badly to. _

_We've started calling our coffee runs dates. I'm not assuming anything about what that means either. But I do want you to know that those dates are the height of my week. Thank you for being there for me Kurt. I want you to know, I will always be there for you as well._

_Sincerely, _

_Blaine. _

Blaine folded up this letter and tied one small, short stemmed, golden flower to the top with golden string, and gave it to Kurt during their date later that day.


	8. Humiliation and Jubilation

**A/N- thank you for all the reviews you guys! Here's the next chapter, though still lacking that special depth I'm hoping to achieve later on. Thank you so much for reading!**

**I do not own glee, please review!**

"Blaine, you know I would never lie to you, right?"

They were on Blaine's bed, Kurt in comfortably loose fettle position and Blaine sitting criss cross, reading over some history notes. It was a common place for them to hang out lately due to the fact that Blaine's parents were almost always out on business, and Kurt's house was often cramped with Finns friends. Blaine had come back from the bathroom to find Kurt behaving solemn and reserved, as though deep in thought. He had not thought much of it however because Kurt was always thinking deeply about random things, something Blaine greatly admired about him. It was a calm Saturday full of last minute homework and avoidance of touchy subjects, a day just like any other, so Blaine was slightly taken aback by Kurt's question.

"Of course…" Blaine said suspiciously.

"Blaine, I am not a nosy person. I don't go poking through peoples things, and I would have never opened it if I didn't think it had fallen out of my bag but," Kurt took a deep breath as Blaine's stomach plummeted. It had to be the letter. It had to be, Kurt had said _opened_. He had written it a fortnight ago, but Kurt couldn't have known that. A small hope seemed to buzz inside the thick cloud of panic forming in Blaine's stomach. Maybe Kurt was talking about something different. All the same, Blaine could not help burying his face in his hands, thinking fleetingly of how silly he would look if Kurt was in fact talking about something completely different.

"But, oh, oh Blaine please doesn't be angry! I didn't mean to see it! I'm not judging you at all please believe me!" Blaine lifted his head from his hands, and Kurt must have seen humiliation in his eyes because his face loosened and his voice became softer. "Don't be embarrassed, Blaine." Kurt whispered.

"Let me see it" said Blaine placidly. He wanted to read the letter again to see exactly what he was dealing with. He hadn't read the letter since he had wrote it, and only had a vague idea of the secrets written in it. Kurt hastily reached behind him to get it, and passed it to Blaine looking anxious, and a bit curious.

Blaine opened the letter slowly, feeling his heart rate rising in his neck and the steady warming of his face, and started to read the words _dear Kurt, _

It wasn't as bad as Blaine had remembered. At least he hadn't written _everything_ he was feeling at that time. If he had, he was certain Kurt would be off pulling strings to get Blaine in a mental hospital. He thought, fleetingly, how he might be better off at a mental hospital. Shaking that thought off along with the enormous relief that _certain_ feelings hadn't been read, Blaine looked up to find a very curious expression on Kurt's face.

It looked as though Kurt was steeling himself. He had moved closer to Blaine, who suddenly felt even shakier than before. Why now? He was happy it was now, but could not help thinking that this was such an odd time for such a huge thing to be happening. They were, absentmindedly almost, moving even closer together. Kurt was staring right into Blaine's eyes, reading and taking in every single movement and emotion the latter's face portrayed. Blaine knew that if he showed even the slightest sign of shock, or disgust, or anything other than vulnerable comfort, Kurt would back away and be in tears before Blaine could fix his mistake. They were way too close now, but Blaine wished they were closer. He thought fleetingly of his father, his old friends, and fear crackled in his chest like fire, but was exterminated and forgotten at once as he saw the blue and green swirls of Kurt's eyes slowly close, and felt his own close as well, his chest inflating with fluttering happiness.

()

_Dear Blaine_,

_I still have not forgiven myself for reading that letter. I still get Goosebumps every time I think about how I kissed you, and how hard it was for me to get the courage to do so, but I go absolutely mad when I remember you actually kissed back. I'm so happy everything was like normal when we had both calmed down, and I'm also so thankful that you believe me when I say I did not judge you in the least for what you had written in the letter. I know it seemed like a strange time to do what I did, which is why I still get a little red whenever I think of it, but what I read in your letter really hit home for me, I still have no idea why. _

_In all honestly, I still can't stop thinking about our kiss, people have to snap me out of reveries all the time. From the beginning, we haven't made assumptions about anything, and I won't do that now either. I know it might be hard for you, though maybe it is not. You've only been out for 2 months, and people are still so horrible to you, but I hope you know that I'm not here to force you into anything, and all I want is to be there for you and make you feel happy and comfortable. _

_It's amazing how before I met you I thought I knew who I was, but now it seems another part of me I have never known before is showing itself. You always hear that it's supposed to be this wonderful experience, and it is, but it's also frightening. To think that I knew myself completely, and then to have that torn apart in such a beautiful way is both phenomenal and terrifying. I think the word is vulnerable, and I have absolutely no idea how to deal with it. At times I want to jump through the ceiling with happiness, and others I want to start sobbing into my pillow. _

_You said in your last letter that people keep thinking were only friends because were the only 2 gay kids in the school, and I know I have heart that as well, even from Finn. I told him that he was wrong, but I don't think he's too fussed about it because he just said OK and ate half a box of pop tarts. I think us being the only gay kids are definitely a contributing factor, in the same sense that both of us liking to sing is a contributing factor. I also think that people can think whatever they want about us, but all I know is that my life is constructed around you, and that whatever other people say, my life would be a hundred times worse if you left it. _

Kurt didn't sign this letter, he felt as though it would be close to lying if he said sincerely, and overstepping about a million boundaries, including his own, if he wrote love. Then he remembered how Blaine had signed with love in the hidden letter, and Kurt's chest and head seemed to inflate with a strange giddiness. He rolled up the letter and tied it with purple string, thinking absently of the feel of Blaine's lips on his, and the strange lump of fear that had taken refuge in his throat.

**A/N- don't hate me for cutting the kiss off! It's not something I usually do I promise, it just seemed appropriate, I'm not a prude when it comes to writing, the first chapter of my first fic (a series of life changing events) will tell you that. If you plan on looking at that, please remember I was a horrible writer then! Please review!**


	9. A Confession

**A/N- I am so sorry for the delay! I work in strange ways. Ill update quickly, and then I won't update at all. I feel so guilty. Here's a small little chapter that digs a little deeper into Blaine and what's going on with him. **

**I know this is a strange turn of events, and rest assured this won't be the main storyline, just part of the struggles Blaine and Kurt will face. I hope you will be willing to give me your opinion!**

**I do not own glee, please review!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_I have been keeping a secret from you, and I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand the fact that I have to lie to you, and I can't stand the fact that every time I do, it just takes me further down the path of untrustworthiness. Kurt, you know that I never hung out with the right crowd. The people I used to hang out with had a different idea of a "fun time" than you and I, and growing up as I did, I just naturally fallowed along. That doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make what I did ok, and nothing I ever do could make it ok that I lied to you, or express how sorry I am. _

_It started off as just weed, usually on weekends or when me and my "friends" were bored. It felt nice; it was as if I knew what it was like to think without having all the worries and troubles nagging at me. I tried alcohol a few times, but I didn't like it. I didn't like being sick in the morning, but weed never made me sick, it just made me sad when those nagging worries started to nudge their way to the forefront of my brain again. It wasn't until I started becoming more and more aware of my sexuality that I resorted to codeine. It was so simple Kurt; it was so simple that it was as if the world was pointing me straight to the pill cabinet in my parents' bedroom. An abandoned bottle of pills just sitting there waiting for me. It took all the pain away Kurt, I never thought of this thing I had been hiding about myself and how it would ruin the life I had made for myself. Once I ran out it was easy to get more, the people I knew had connections. I am so sorry Kurt, but it was all that kept me happy. I ran out a few days before we kissed, I had lost all my connections, and I was terrified and in pain, Kurt. I ran out and I felt as though every light and star in the universe had been terminated, yet there was a small little flashlight there to guide me through, and that was you Kurt. I'm so sorry for lying to you, I'm so sorry for talking to you and telling you I was ok, when really I was watching the pills I had left disappear like the sand in an hour glass, ticking away my time of sanity. I wish I had the courage to tell you this in person, and I wish I could be perfect for you, and believe me, I am going to try to do just that. But I'm scared, I haven't had a codeine pill for days, and it's as though my inside are caving in on themselves. Everything hurts, everything is frightening, and the world is dark except for the small path of light that is you._

_I trust you Kurt, and I know I have betrayed you're trust, but I hope you can trust me one day, and I hope one day I can be what you deserve, and I am so sorry that I am like this. I'm going to stop, but it is so hard. I keep remembering what it was like to sink into that wonderful and peaceful oblivion where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. I hope you can forgive me, because I am so, so sorry. _

_Sincerely,_

_Blaine_


	10. Everyone is Broken

**A/N- hello! I want to thank you guys for reading, and thank you so much for all the reviews! They make my day, you all are so kind! Here's the next chapter, please enjoy!**

**I do not own glee, please review!**

It was night time. They were sitting on Blaine's bed again, the room only lit by the series of small lamps and moonlight, Blaine looking absolutely terrified, Kurt looking immensely worried. Blaine had not given Kurt his confession letter yet. After much consideration he had decided he would have Kurt read it in front of him, to give Kurt the chance to yell and storm at him, as he deserved. Kurt had no idea why Blaine had called him over here just to sit in a tense silence for an increasing amount of time. Blaine looked on the verge of tears, and crazy worries kept swirling their way through Kurt's brain. Was Blaine going to say the kiss was some huge mistake? Was he going to end their friendship? Was Blaine hurt? By the time Blaine looked willing to do something other than stare at his hands in utter horror, Kurt felt as though his chest was being twisted into a tight bun of anxiety.

"Kurt" Blaine began, a little louder than he had planned and hastily lowered his voice, "I wrote you a letter, and I think you should read it. Like, now, and I'm sorry, because. Well…here." Blaine handed the letter to Kurt with trembling fingers. Kurt looked slightly relieved and promptly opened the letter and began to read 'dear Kurt…"

By the time Kurt had reached the end of the letter, he had no idea what emotions he was feeling. Kurt didn't know about drugs, he had never felt that pull towards them that so many others did; in fact, he had absolutely no idea what codeine even was. He didn't understand addiction, though he certainly understood desire. Still feeling oddly emotionless, Kurt looked up at Blaine. To his surprise, he found Blaine with his face in his hands, very slightly trembling. In that moment Kurt's mind went from completely emotionless to an immense feeling of compassion and protectiveness. Blaine was sitting there in front of him looking Broken, looking so fragile the he might just be blown away like a puff of smoke, the rays of moonlight hitting his skin in waves, making him look almost transparent. He hastily moved forward, only hesitating for a second before wrapping his arms around Blaine, trying to put in as much emotion and understanding as he could. Did Blaine expect him to be angry? It sounded so in the letter. Blaine has said he was sorry so many times, but Kurt hardly felt he needed to. Everyone kept secrets, even Kurt. This was Blaine's secret, and the fact that he was telling Kurt meant the world to him. Kurt felt Blaine's arms slowly wrap around him, and after a few seconds Blaine was clinging onto Kurt for dear life.

They did not sob, but tears fell from both boys faces as they shared this emotional intimacy. Kurt was there for Blaine, even though he was Broken, even though he had lied, even though he was scared. And then they were kissing, their lips moving together so fiercely yet so passionately that the sensation seemed to bellow throughout the room like noise. A Broken boy and his small ray of light that shone like the sun in the world that had been ripped from him. Kurt was the only thing in the world, and in that moment, Kurt was there to be everything Blaine needed, and Blaine accepted another's help as he had never done before, his walls being ripped apart brick by brick.

They could have been kissing for minutes, or maybe hours, they neither knew nor cared. Once they broke apart, Blaine, almost instinctively said, "I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare." Said Kurt softly. "Everyone has their secrets, Blaine. Everyone is Broken, Even me."


	11. Hurried Kisses and Trembling Hands

**A/N- I hate not giving you guy's long chapters, so here's my attempt at one. They don't usually work out for me, but I'll try. Also thank you for the person who told me I was spelling broken wrong. I've always been an absolutely abysmal speller, and for some reason my spell check thought brocken was a word with the same definition as broken. **

**Ok so I'm really not a fan of this chapter. Next chapter I'm going to try and fit in another letter like I was planning on doing in this chapter, and try and write better and come up with a half way decent plot and character development. **

**I'm working on a novel at the moment and for some reason I've been writing way better with than with this lately. **

**Also, for those who actually read my ridiculously long authors notes, I've been working on a series of poem/prose type things written by Blaine, and I'm probably going to make that the next chapter. It's going to be some major character development and an insight into Blaine's feelings. **

**Anyone who wants to know my tumblr for any reason its heathersyvilla dot tumblr dot com. It's mostly just the place where I obsess over Marilyn Monroe and Barbra Streisand and Patti lupone (yes I was in love with them before I even knew glee existed). I never post anything glee related because the gleek in me is my biggest secret so shhh!**

**I apologize for this chapter, but I do hope you like it. I do not own glee, please review!**

Blaine was in Kurt's kitchen. He had promised Kurt that he would help cook the Friday night dinner that he was invited too, and was thoroughly amused by Kurt's enthusiasm. The entire ride home Kurt had gone on and on about who would stir what and who would fetch this. Blaine hardly listened; instead he focused on the way Kurt seemed to jump in his seat a little every time a particularly exiting idea occurred to him, or that special, indescribable smile he gave Blaine every time he realized the latter was staring at him.

It was a nice distraction, Blaine thought a he helped Kurt set out the beginnings of what would be a highly complex cooking session, a nice distraction from that aching feeling he got in his chest every time he thought about the fact he could not sink into that blissful oblivion that his codeine gave him. The minute this thought entered his head he put all his energy into shifting his thoughts elsewhere, anywhere but that gaping hole the absence of his pills had left in his chest. He thought of how interestingly the egg in he's hand cracked like ice, leaking out the gooey substance within.

Once his thoughts had been torn away from dangerous matters, he turned to Kurt who was mixing together some type of spice sauce to soak the chicken in. he wanted to hug Kurt at that moment, he wanted to hug Kurt every moment, but it seemed there was always some reason he wasn't able too. The fact that both of their hands were either covered in spice or egg made Blaine chuckle at the thought of what Kurt would do if he went over and hugged him right then.

Kurt looked over at him suspiciously and said "what's so funny?"

Blaine grinned. He looked over at Kurt again with an evil determinacy, dipped his finger in to the chocolate eggie-gooey batter he had been making, and spread it onto Kurt's nose with a little tap. There was a moment where he thought Kurt was going to smack him, but then Kurt had reached for the batter coated spoon in Blaine's bowl and wacked in lightly onto Blaine's cheek, right next to his mouth. Blaine closed his eyes instinctively, and when he opened them he found Kurt grinning so widely his front teeth were fully visible. Then Kurt's face stiffened slightly, he looked as though he was stealing himself. It was that same look he had before kissing Blaine the first time, and suddenly Blaine knew what Kurt wanted to do. Wanting to save Kurt from what he knew would be an incredibly nerve wrecking move, Blaine hurried towards Kurt and licked the chocolaty batter of Kurt's nose, slowly making his way down to his lips. Kurt, who was only momentarily surprised at Blaine's action, starting lapping up the batter from Blaine cheek and lips in such a seductively slow fashion that Blaine felt his pants become uncomfortably tight. After he had seemed satisfied that all the batter had been removed from Blaine's face, Kurt settles for kissing Blaine slowly with a feeling of loving comfort.

A loud cough echoed from the doorway to the kitchen and both boys jumped about a mile apart. Kurt spun around to find his father in the doorway looking pale and shocked. Kurt groaned and buried his face in his hands. He had not told his father that he and Blaine were more than just friends. Sure, Burt had given him suspicious glances during the frequent occurrence the Kurt had talked about Blaine, but he had never actually told his father. Kurt was more anxious for Blaine than he was for himself. Blaine had been through so much, had been treated like something rancid by his friends and family, hated himself to the point of drug abuse, and he didn't want his own fathers fury to add onto that Burdon.

Blaine seemed to pop out of his bubble of humiliation first. His face still furiously red, he straightened up and walked towards Burt and held out his hand. "Hello, sir. I'm Blaine." He said with the most charming smile Kurt had ever seen that almost completely hid his utter humiliation.

Burt scrutinized the boy for a few moments. Though he shook the boys hand straight away in an attempt to avoid being rude, he still wasn't quite sure how he felt about walking in on his son making out with a boy that Kurt had said was only a friend. He felt quite happy when he came to the conclusion that it was not the fact that Kurt had been kissing a boy that had bothered him, but the fact that he had been kissing at all. His boy, his son, the boy who had spent hours setting up play dough tea parties and stumbling around in his mother's high heels, was making out with a boy in his kitchen. It was a concept Burt found hard to wrap his head around.

Blaine and Kurt were staring at him nervously, as if expecting him to lunge and attack at any moment. Burt chuckled vindictively, and this seemed to frighten the boys even more. Burt shook his head slowly and clapped his hand onto Kurt's shoulder. "it's ok kid, just try not do that in such a public place next time, eh?" he turned to Blaine who was standing straight and looking polite, though still with bright red cheeks. "Nice to meet you, Blaine. I hope for your sake you're not playin' with my kid's heart." Burt said as he left the room to go watch the game and think about how old he was getting, and how Kurt seemed to be growing up far too fast for his liking.

The boys turned and looked at each other, and to Blaine's slight surprise, Kurt rushed towards him and gave him one final searing kiss before returning to his spice mixing.

After about 30 minutes of mixing, kneading, stirring, nervous glances at the doorway and hurried kissed, Blaine found himself helping Kurt prepare the raw, spice soaked chicken.

"Blaine, do you mind heading to the pantry to get the unopened flour?"

Casually, Blaine headed over to the pantry which, when opened, began at the floor and composed of shelves that ran up about 6 feet. As Blaine searched through the mingled items inside, his peripheral vision captured a small medicine rack hanging inside the pantry door. His head whipped around to find itself face to face with a 3 foot rack of pill bottles. As if he had been destined to find it all along, as if it had been looking for him, the small bottle reading _codeine_ seemed to abolish every other though in Blaine's mind. His entire body seemed to inflate, and the horrible longing he had been fighting for over a week took over every cell in his body until he felt tears prickling in his eyes and his body begin to shiver violently. Blaine stared at the bottle, and all of a sudden a million plans made their way into his head. Plans where he would steal the bottle, slip it into his pocket, and nobody would ever know. Plans where he would sneak back after dinner to take it because then it would be less suspicious. All these plans shattered however when he felt warm arms wrap around his waist and soft lips upon his neck.

Kurt tried to see what Blaine was staring at, and seeing that it was his father medicine rack made his stomach drop. He fallowed Blaine's gaze which led him to a small white capped orange bottle that read _codeine._ Almost instinctively Kurt wrenched Blaine from out of the pantry and slammed the door shut with a loud _bang, _causing the pill bottles on the other side to rattle_._ Kurt put his hands on either side of Blaine's shoulders and faced him, staring him right in the eyes. Kurt was looking for any sign of emotion from Blaine, and saw tears forming in the corners of his eyes, his hands shaking furiously, looking blank.

"Blaine, are you okay?" Kurt said firmly, trying to hide the mounting worry in his voice.

"I think I'm going to throw up." Blaine said, but made no effort to move.

Kurt started; he grabbed one of Blaine's trembling hands and rushed him to the bathroom.

Kurt couldn't handle being in the bathroom as Blaine threw up, but once he heard the toilet flush he ran into the bathroom to comfort Blaine.

"I'm sorry, sorry, I- I'm being stupid, overreacting I just…"

"Blaine you're babbling." Kurt placed a hand on Blaine's cheek and looked at him with compassion in his eyes. "It's okay. There is no need to apologize."

Blaine stared, and then with a look that told Kurt that what Blaine was about to say took every single ounce of his will power, Blaine said "Kurt, I don't trust myself. I just know that I will convince myself to somehow steal that bottle. I need to tell you now before I start convincing myself to do that because I hate the thought of stealing from your family and lying to you and I just, I just don't trust myself to keep my hands off of those pills, I just don't."

Kurt wasn't quite sure what to think. This was brand new territory for him, and he had absolutely no idea what to do. Kurt had no idea what Blaine meant, didn't understand why he couldn't just leave the pills alone and trust himself, but he also knew that just because he didn't understand it, didn't mean it wasn't real. He wanted to help Blaine, but he would feel awfully foolish if he got the pill bottle and hid it somewhere, but then again he didn't want Blaine to feel uncomfortable. Hoping beyond hope he was doing the right thing he said, "It's ok Blaine, I'll make sure you don't take them, let's just get back to work and try and think about other things ok?"

Blaine nodded weakly and fallowed Kurt out of the bathroom into the kitchen.


	12. Shattered

**A/N- Hello! Sorry I take so long with chapters. I've been putting all my efforts towards my novel. Please forgive any spelling or grammar mistakes! I'm so sorry if they are distracting. He's the first of one of those poem/prose's I was talking about. Once again, if anyone's interested, my tumblr in heathersyvilla dot tumblr dot com. **

**I do not own glee, please review!**

_Their words are heavy. They weigh down on my shoulder like the arms of god pushing down with the weight of the world, and I crumble. I am the fallen tower, the lighting stuck tower as my comforts and my safety are shattered like the stability I once existed on, the love I once survived upon. _

Blaine stopped writing as he heard footsteps outside his door. Someone, he guessed by the weight and speed of the steps was his father, had just stopped outside his door. They did not knock; they just stood there for a moment. Blaine guessed his father was debating whether or not to knock. After the moments silence, his father muttered gruffly to the door, "dinners ready." And then there were retreating footsteps going back downstairs.

Blaine sighed. This happened most nights, and he was starting to get used to it. How strange was it that after 2 months he was able to look upon his parents' indifference as if it was normal? Blaine's parents were reluctant to say even one word to him, even less inclined to look at him. He, Blaine, knew that every time his parents laid eyes on him all they thought was _gay._ Was that all he was to them anymore? Blaine was almost sure of it. Gone were the days where he could get a pat on the shoulder from his father and loving looks from his mother at any signs of achievement of success. Now, he could end world hunger and his parents could probably only envision him in bed with another man.

That's all it was to them. Sex. There was no love, no caring, just sick, perverted sex. Blaine would be lying if he said sex wasn't on his mind all day and night, especially in those mystic moments at night where dreams and sleep were creeping. There was so much more though, so much he just wanted to shout to the world. Blaine wanted to take a photograph of Kurt's eyes, these eyes that seemed to be like a tie dyed ocean of blue and green, and put it on display for the whole world to see. He wanted everyone on earth to become entranced in their shimmering shapes like he did every time he saw them, but at the same time he wanted to keep them all for himself. Blaine wanted everyone to know that only he had seen the real Kurt that existed behind the bitchy looks and snarky comments. Only he had seen the Kurt that seemed to peer out from behind an Alexander McQueen mask, checking to see if his surroundings were safe, to see if Kurt could be himself. Sex was on his mind, was always there, ready to make its presence known, but it was hardly the most beautiful thing about loving Kurt.

Blaine got up from his bed slowly, glancing fondly at his piece of writing. He had tried poetry, but it always seemed to come out too cliché and mundane, and he could not write prose worth his life, but somehow he was highly adept at writing a mixture of the two. It gave him a sense of accomplishment, and he was proud of himself. Blaine wondered what Kurt would think. He closed the journal, wishing he could have more time with it, and placed in his bedside table drawer. He stood behind his door for a moment, enjoying these last few moments of safety and pride, before opening the door and making his way downstairs.

Blaine entered the dining room with the air of someone trying to make himself as invisible as possible. There were thick, dark wooden chairs set around a medium sized rectangular table. It was a high ceilinged room with dark French wallpaper and wooden lining around the ceiling and floor. A dark red oriental rug was placed under the table where his mother and father sat, looking anywhere but at their son. His father was the image of his Blaine given a 30 years aging, and his mother bore nothing but the olive skin and milky brown eyes to resemble him. She was quite pretty, with features resembling Angelina Jolie. As he took in the sight before him as he sat down at his seat, it became apparent that his parents were eating quickly in order to avoid too much uncomfortable time with their son. Blaine scowled, and began playing with his spaghetti with his fork. The air was so thick he found it hard to breathe. It was a huge shock when his mother's voice penetrated the tense atmosphere.

"Marry says you have had a visitor twice this past month." She spoke so curtly, so quickly, Blaine knew she was making conclusions. Marry, their maid, must have told her it was a boy.

"yes." Blaine said roughly. If he wasn't careful, this could result in more violence, not only on his father's part. His facial cuts and bruises had only just healed, he didn't want to replace them, yet his father just sat with his eyes on his hands.

"Do you want to explain yourself then?" his mother's eyes did not meet her sons.

"his name is Kurt, and he is my friend." his mother couched. "My best friend." he added before he could stop himself. As unreasonable, as uncalled for as it was, this seemed to have been taken as a pronouncement of a relationship from Blaine, and his father and mother stood up abruptly.

"It's him then!" his father's voice boomed through the room, hoarse and ragged, as he pointed towards the door, towards what Blaine knew was the image of Kurt, in dire accusation. "He did this to you! No. no! I will not have this. I will not, Blaine you are being foolish. You are playing children's games and you need to grow up and see that this… this thing had perver-"

Blaine rose from his chair in lightning speed, and with an authority that he had no idea existed in him, he growled "you will not call Kurt a thing! He is a human being just like the rest of us, and I _love_ him! You will _not_ insult him!" Blaine glared at his father fury and his mother screeched in a high pitched tone,

"You will not speak to your fath-"

"No!" Blaine growled, and stormed out of the room, wishing nothing more than to smash every expensive vase, to throw the shattered bits into his parent's faces like the shattered bits of his life.

Blaine wanted to scream, he wanted to tear down everything his parents loved and demand the world to tell him why this was happening. There was a time when he would ask why he had to be gay, but now he wanted to know why his parents did not understand. He would not put up with their ignorance any longer. This was it; he was going to make it clear to them that they were not his parents anymore, not until they accepted that he would have never chosen to be gay, and that he had just as much right to be happy with the person that he loved as anyone else.


	13. First Sign of Madness

**A/N- prepare yourself for another super long authors note. **

**I have found in reading klaine fics that you can tell the Chris fans from the Darren fans, and id like to say that I'm neither, but I have to say I am definitely a Chris fan. I am saying this because usually Darren fans add in harry potter references as a Darren reference, but I promise it is just me being a crazy harry potter freak. I do not give Kurt and Blaine similar characteristics to the actors that play them for that purpose. It was hard not to put in certain harry potter references in this one. The part with the slug, I kept thinking, **_**horace slughorn, horace slughorn. **_

**To**_** I say noo to status quo:**_** if it wasn't for your wonderful and long review, this chapter would not have been made. For some reason it made me write. This is what reviews do to me, they make me write. Thank you so much to everyone who reviews my chapters though! You are all lovely and fabulous and everything in-between. **

**I do not own glee, please review!**

Their footsteps lurk around my place of comfort, they threaten my safety. I cannot breathe. I remember having my own world, where memories were lucid and emotions would consume me like the vibrations in the air, and my throat would feel like melting wax. My world is in limbo, and I am suffocating, waiting for my first breath of air. I am afraid.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I wish you didn't have to see me like this. I am scared to leave my room, but I need to get out. I haven't eaten all weekend; because I know when I do they will find me. My parents. They will find me and they will scream at me. I hear their footsteps outside my room, and I know they do not want me here. Their hatred seems to ooze under my door like a disease, and it is making me sick. I wish you were here. I don't think I will give this letter to you. I just want to feel your presence, and somehow writing this letter gives me just a little bit of that. _

Blaine had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was he wanted to write. He had so much to say, but it all seemed to crumble as his pen hit the paper. Blaine then thought he would write a letter to Kurt, but everything he wanted to say seemed too shameful when put on paper. He couldn't help feeling like he was going mad.

This weekend had pushed him further into his little hole of insanity than the past few weeks combined. These walls around him that he called his room seemed to be the only source of comfort in this house full of tension. Blaine felt as though his entire family was just a metaphorical rubber band that was just being stretched and stretched, and at any minute now the band would snap, and the house would explode. He could almost smell the smoke and ash.

Ever since the fight with his parents on Friday, Blaine had stayed in his room and not come out for anything, even food. He was quite literally starving, and thanked god he had his own bathroom so he could get water from the sink. It was now Sunday evening, and Blaine finally knew why insane people needed strait jackets. He had found himself talking to himself in whispers, and as soon as he caught himself he would stop and purposely fall out of his bed in the hopes to knock some sanity into him. He remembered fleetingly the words of Phineas Nigellus Black, "First sign of madness, talking to your own head."

After doing this five times in one hour, he decided there was nothing for it, and he called Kurt.

"Blaine?" Kurt's voice was happy, but also worried. They didn't talk on the phone much; Kurt always said he found it awkward to talk to anyone on the phone.

"Kurt..." Blaine found it hard to talk. There was a lump building in his throat, and he wondered why his voice was so willing to talk to itself a few minutes ago, but now unable to have a normal conversation.

"Blaine are you ok? Did your parents hurt you? Are you hurt? Blaine if you are hurt I swear to god I think I might come over there and raise some major hell. Oh my god Blaine you're not talking. You are hurt aren't you, ok I'm getting in my car now just give me five minu-"

"No! Kurt no, I'm, I'm fine…I'm fine calm down." Blaine interrupted; Kurt had said all of that very fast.

"oh." He said feebly. "Then what's wrong Blaine? Don't even say nothing is wrong because you never call if nothing is wrong."

How did Kurt know him so well? "Well… honestly? I think I'm going mad… I haven't eaten in 2 days. I'm so hungry, but I'd rather starve that face my effing parents."

"You haven't _what_?" Kurt shrieked, much the way his mother had done 2 days ago. "Blaine you have to eat food!"

"I'm not facing my parents! You have no idea Kurt, whenever I'm around them they make me feel like some slimy slug that is repulsive and can't understand a word they are saying! I am a freaking slug Kurt. I am a slug."

"You are not a slug Blaine! What are they doing?"

"My dad called you a…well, he called you a thing."

"A faggot?"

"No, he called you a thing. You know, like, an object… not a person."

"I can see why that upsets you but…" Kurt said in confusion.

"But! But I wasn't going to just let my father talk about you like that! He was talking like you _made_ me gay or something! I bet it never even occurred to him that I might love you!" it took a second and the automatic gasp on the other end of the line for Blaine to realize what he had said. He clapped a hand onto his mouth with a loud smack, and there was a booming silence.

After a few moments, a feeble voice came through Blaine's speaker. "Was that, did you... do you mean that Blaine?" it was such a whisper that Blaine couldn't be sure he had really heard it.

Did he mean it? It came so easily off the tongue that it was hard to know. I love you. How cliché a phrase, yet so powerful in casual conversation. He had known Kurt for a few months now, and he would be lying if he said he never had a certain… curiosity with the boy before Kurt had the bravery to write him that letter a few months ago. Blaine's entire world had been shattered to bits, and Kurt was his one ray of hope in a word that was dark and spiraling in shades of black that somehow managed to get darker and darker. Sometimes late at night he found himself drowning in worry, and then being taken aback when those worries where focused on Kurt's happiness rather than his own.

"I… I, yes, Kurt. I think- no. I know that, I love you." Blaine's heart was beating so fast that he could feel it in every limb of his body. Another loud gasp from the other end of the line made Blaine's heart pound even faster. This was the moment, the moment where his one ray of light would be whipped out like every other comfort he had. Kurt would say that Blaine was being foolish, that he was playing children's games, and that he needed to grow up. That they were over.

"I love you too, Blaine." The voice was just as feeble as before, but it had such an effect on Blaine that a sob escaped his throat, and for the first time in weeks, in years, Blaine cried in happiness.


	14. Courage and Cowardice

**A/N- jeeze two update in one weekend. I'm on a roll. My lovely reviews are wonderful! I promise I won't be abandoning this story, I have a lot planned, don't you worry. **

**Klex in two days you guys. And we've already got another kliss in the sneak peak. That's two klisses you guys, 3 if you count the promo. My emotions are so strong that I think I feel my heart exploding. Words cannot explain this. Instead, here is the next chapter. Enjoy!**

**I do not own glee, please review!**

After much, much convincing, Blaine had allowed Kurt to come pick him up after they got off the phone. Blaine was scared, he could feel the fear bubbling in his stomach and it made his chest ache as if it were being crushed with weight. His parents were going to go crazy, but he was sure that once he got out of the house they wouldn't do anything. There were a lot of things he was not sure about lately, but one thing he was sure of was that his parents wanted him out, and would not put forth a fight to keep him there. He was also sure however, that they would raise hell for the few minutes that he was making his way out the door.

He had begun to pack an overnight bag the second he had got off the phone with Kurt. A million thoughts zoomed through his mind in a rush. Where minutes before he was cursing the absence of school the next day for a teacher work day, because it meant another day without food, now he was incredibly grateful. More time with Kurt. Blaine was also inwardly cursing the fact that he had to walk through the living room to get to the front door, Blaine was certain that his parents would be in their doing their work and relaxing.

As he thought furiously, Blaine packed pajamas and clothes, all his toiletries, and everything he could lay his hands on, including a yoyo, crazy string, and a bunch of random books into his old football duffle bag. He looked at the clock to find it was 3:23 PM, 2 more minutes until Kurt said he would be there. Blaine made a weird jump/spasm movement, and zipped up his bag, making sure he had everything he needed.

After slipping into a pair of sandals, Blaine looked out his bedroom window to find Kurt's car parked in front of their house. Blaine had told him to stay out there while he walked out. The last thing Blaine wanted was his father to come within arms length of Kurt. After one deep, steadying breath, Blaine walked out if his bedroom door and rushed downstairs.

His parents were in the living room as he had expected, but Blaine rushed through and out the front door without a backward glance. For one wonderful moment, Blaine thought he might have gotten through this without a fight, but as he got halfway through the yard, a booming voice made his heart fall into his stomach.

"Where the _hell_ do you think you're going?" his father yelled at the top of his voice.

"Blaine! You get back in here this moment!" his mother screeched.

Blaine just stood there in the middle of the yard, feeling like a sitting duck waiting to be shot. Kurt's driver's side window rolled down and Kurt yelled,

"Come on Blaine!"

"Is that him?" his father roared so fiercely it made Blaine turn around. His father began to walk towards him until they were face to face. Blaine cowered. "Is that him Blaine? Is this the boy that made you think you were some filthy fairy? Get in the house Blaine. Get in the house and leave this thing" he pointed at Kurt's car, "alone and get back in your right fucking mind!"

Blaine's voice seemed to have vanished. He stared up his dad, unable to meet his eyes. What a strange situation he had gotten himself into. His mother was still in the door way, and as Blaine looked over at her he almost expected to see tears, but instead she looked a mixture of angry and bored, staring and Kurt's car.

"I'm sorry." Blaine said softly, and he turned and ran over to Kurt's car and jumped into the passenger seat.

His father did not try and stop him, his mother did not yell after him. Kurt's foot slammed onto the gas pedal, and a Blaine got a last glance at his house, his father standing in the middle of the yard looking murderous, and his mother turning into the doorway to go back inside.

Blaine looked over at Kurt, and was slightly shocked to see what he did. Kurt was looking quite as angry as his father had just a second before. His teeth where bared like an animals, and the knuckles on the steeling wheel where white with pressure. Kurt's breath was coming out in gasps, and their where tears falling down his face.

"Kurt what's-"

"I cannot believe I just saw that! I mean I knew it happened every day but I just cannot believe I just saw that with my own eyes! Where the hell did anyone get this mad idea that we somehow choose to be this way! Where!"

Blaine had never seen Kurt like this before, and he had a feeling it didn't all have to do with Blaine and his parents. Kurt was so furious he had to pull over once they got a good distance away from Blaine's house.

"We get pushed into lockers! We get punched in our faces! Our parents look at us like we are something disgusting! Who the hell would choose that Blaine! No one fucking would! And yet we are supposed to sit back and take every bit of abuse they hand us! We are not fairies. We are there for each other! They are the cowards Blaine! They are the ones who are so scared of what they can't understand that they are willing to treat the people who they are suppose to love unconditionally with such hatred that it rips wonderful people apart! You are wonderful Blaine and you don't deserve any of this, any of it!" Kurt seemed too put out to continue, but let out a small sob and let his head fall onto the steering wheel.

Blaine was crying. Everything Kurt had said was true, but there was something dignifying about his words. He, Blaine, had thought all of these things in his room, alone, and they had made him feel sorry for himself, lonely. Blaine had felt as though he was the only person in the world, as though only he had felt pain, only he had not chosen this fate for himself. But now that he had heard those words coming from Kurt's mouth, he felt part of something. He was part of a community, part of a group of people who had cried at night because pieces of themselves they could not change, and though at the time they had felt alone, they were all parts of a whole. It did not make his pain any less; his father's face any less frightening, but it made him feel ambitious. He had seen both worlds, the popular and the hated. For this one moment, Blaine felt dignified, and he felt as though he could make a difference, because he was not alone.

Blaine placed his hand on Kurt's shaking shoulder, and used his other hand to lift Kurt's chin up to face him. "But we have each other, don't we?" Blaine smiled, and Kurt's eyes seemed to brighten slightly, and the corners of his moth twitched. "I meant what I said Kurt, I do love you." Blaine felt brave, and he was not ashamed to admit his feeling, at least for now.

This time Kurt smiled widely, and said breathlessly, clasping Blaine's hand, "I love you too Blaine."


	15. Down he Came Without His Eyes

**A/N- this is so incredibly over due. I am so sorry. I have been going through some major writers block; it's been like my brain has turned off completely.**

**Rant-**

**I actually went all "a small bright light" (one of my klaine fics) and was put on Prozac, had to be psychoanalyzed and now I'm being homeschooled by a private tutor provided by the state. **

**It's amazing how being pretty can get you out of anything, all I had to do was give the psychiatrist a charming smile and I was deemed "fit for outpatient services" rather than hospitalization. **

**Yes, I am a crazy person, and proud of it. if that makes you stop reading my fics, I'm ever so sorry. **

**But I'm even sorrier for the long wait. I missed you guys. **

**-end rant**

**By the way, grammar and spelling mistakes are not my thing, I can NOT spot them from about half a centimeter away. So sorry for that, too. I'm trying to find a way to incorporate more letters, so hold on. This is a long chapter for me! Yay! And next chapter I'm hoping to dive into Kurt's vulnerabilities, I did a bit in this chapter. **

**I'm sorry for my mega long author's notes; I truly am **_**not**_** offended if you skip over them. **

**I do not own glee, please review!**

The drive to the Hummel-Hudson home was quiet, the echoes of the previous minutes outburst still ringing in each boys ears. Kurt held Blaine's hand when he didn't need to use both of his own to drive, and though the atmosphere was thick with tension, it was also thick with the giddiness that accompanied their first and second "I love you's"

Kurt always found it strange how he could drive while his mind was in a million other places. All he had to do was keep the car between the lines, and before he started driving he thought that must have taken concentration, but the last thing Kurt was thinking about was a steering wheel and peeling lines of paint.

Kurt's mind was on that picture burned into his retinas, like looking onto the sun, of Blaine's parents. Kurt saw clearly Blaine's mother standing indifferently in the doorway, his father fuming on the lawn. The only moment Blaine's mother seamed in anyway perturbed by the events, the only reason, it seemed, for her anger was when Blaine had spoken harshly to his father. Obviously she cared too much for her husband, but not one bit for her perfect, flawless son.

Kurt was starting to get worked up again, so he played Blaine's comforting words in his head to help meditate himself.

'But we have each other, don't we?'

Even though they had said I love you to each other, even though Blaine's letters made it clear that he valued Kurt, he sometimes doubted Blaine was there for him. It wasn't because he mistrusted Blaine, or because of any of Blaine's, for lack of a better word, "flaws", but because of his own silly paranoia.

'That's me' thought Kurt. 'Always the paranoid one. Always the one digging to deep into the mundane and memorizing every detail in detection of a danger that I am stubbornly convinced is inevitable.'

Kurt looked over at Blaine. He was gazing out the side door window with a dazed look on his face, the corners of his mouth twitched up in a content smile. Kurt didn't know whether to think Blaine was the cutest thing on the face of the planet, or mentally insane.

"Why are you happy?" said Kurt in a shocked voice without thinking. Kurt took his eyes off the road again to see Blaine looking slightly affronted by Kurt's words, so he hastily added, "I mean I'm glad you are of course, I just, well it's an odd time to be happy don't you think?"

"Why?" said Blaine with another slight smile.

Kurt gaped at the road, wishing he could glare at Blaine more thoroughly without crashing the car. "Seriously? Not only have you not eaten for days, but you basically just fought your way out of your own house while being yelled at by your lunatic father, and watched me throw a mega fit. I don't see the smiles and unicorns in that."

Blaine thought for a moment, and then said, choosing his words carefully, "I just… like being part of something. We're part of something, Kurt. Back there in my room, all alone with my books and my journal and my mind, I was going crazy. I felt so alone, I was like… in this… haze of loneliness, and just a few minutes ago I realized that though were a million miles apart, –not you and me, I mean other kids going through what we, what I am going through.- were still all united by our burdens. I know it sounds strange, maybe even cheesy, but it feels nice. I like it. It reminds me of a Plato quote. I'm sure you don't care about Plato, but… yah." Blaine finished, somewhat lamely. He blushed sheepishly at his long, thought out speech and the thick silence that fallowed it.

"What's the quote?" Kurt said quietly, his face soft.

Shocked, Blaine said, "Oh, well if you really want to know…" Blaine shuffled for a moment in his duffle bag, looking through his favorite books which he had thrown in hastily before leaving his room. He extracted "the republic" by Plato.

As Blaine flipped through the pages, Kurt looked over and saw that the book was well- used, hand written words littering the pages surfaces with notes and highlights.

Blaine found that page he was looking for that had the corner bent, and read-

"The men of the cave would say of him that up he went and down he came without his eyes."

Kurt knew he had intelligence, but he didn't think he could understand that right away, especially while driving.

"And you get what that means?" said Kurt, hoping from some sort of explanation.

"Of course!" Blaine said, and Kurt was startled to hear a definite passion in his voice. "It means that sometimes when things get better, or as you get older, you lose your innocence, which can make childhood and darkness… different. Like… they could never be the same. I don't know, I just love Plato."

Blaine paused, obviously not wanting to bore Kurt, or maybe scare him off with his literate nerdiness, and added irrelevantly with a cough, "I'm starving."

"Oh! God, when my dad hears you haven't eaten in, how long? We're going to have to hold him back from chasing you're parents down. I made the. Most. Fabulous. Lasagna last night, you have to try it."

Kurt was practically jumping with excitement at the prospect of Blaine trying his food by the time they pulled into the driveway, and Blaine thought it was absurd how people could find anything cuter or more wonderful than Kurt Hummel.

At that moment, Blaine had not one thought for his parents, and he was quite glad to stay in that blissful ignorance for as long as possible.

They made their way into the house to find Burt waiting anxiously on the couch. Kurt had hurriedly told him that he had to go pick Blaine up from his lunatic parents and ran out the door without a backwards glance. Burt was not about to wait any longer for a good explanation.

At the sight of the two boys entering the living room, Burt stood up and said to Kurt, "What the hell is going on? You leave here without as much as a goodbye and come back with your boyfriend and looking as though you've been crying? What the hell?"

Kurt looked exhausted as he said, "dad, Blaine's parents were treating him horribly, he hasn't even eaten in two days."

Burt looked at Blaine, his face softening. "They weren't letting you eat?"

Blaine blushed slightly. "Well I mean, I could have if I wanted to, but…I mean…" he felt badgered. He felt as though he had to explain himself for not wanting to be around his parents, and even though Burt had asked him one simple question, he felt unable to answer it without making a fool out of himself.

"He didn't want to face his parents, dad." Supplied Kurt, taking Blaine's hand. He looked over at Kurt and gave a grateful smile.

Burt studied the two boys for a second, and then said "well we can talk about it after Blaine gets something to eat." And he led the two boys into the kitchen.

A lengthy argument between Burt and Kurt ensued on whether Kurt should use the microwave or the oven to heat the lasagna, Burt thinking it was ridiculous to waste so much time preheating the oven and then warming the food.

"Why don't we just make him eat Stouffers!" said Kurt grumpily, but ended up giving in and placing a square of his homemade lasagna in the microwave resentfully.

After they were all sat around the table that was placed in the kitchen, Blaine biting at his food self consciously, Burt spoke up.

"Blaine, I need to know, what are your parents doing to make you so uncomfortable around them?"

Blaine knew it was coming, but that didn't make it any easier.

"Well… uhm." Blaine started awkwardly, regretfully putting his fork down. "Ever since my parents found out I was- I mean I'm-" Blaine found himself unable to say the word "gay" out loud, his previous pride in being part of something seemingly evaporated. He could feel his heart rate quickening at the thought of saying the word out loud, and the fact that Kurt and his father were waiting expectantly for him to finish his sentence was not helping. Blaine felt as though he was about to have a panic attack, but then Kurt grabbed onto his hand on top of the table, and that gave him courage to go on. Blaine took a deep breath, then said shakily "ever since my parents found out I was… gay, they uhm, well they don't talk to anymore. They never say anything to me! It was like I had become some sort of… disgusting…thing, but then two nights ago my father yelled at me, he called Kurt- he called him a thing! So I yelled at my dad and locked myself in my room. I wasn't just going to let him talk about Kurt like that, and I'm sure he would have hit me again if I had-" Blaine was cut off by Burt, who looked stunned.

"Again?"

Blaine seemed to regret his words. Kurt tightened his grips on Blaine's hand, but Blaine did not speak, he just dropped his gaze his plate.

"Blaine…" Burt started tentatively, "is your father hitting you?"

"He's not… he's not hitting me… he just… hit me. It's only happened a couple times." Blaine still kept his eyes on his plate.

After a few long moments, Burt said slowly "Blaine, you know I can't just sit back and do nothing?"

"I know." Blaine said, and he found himself holding onto Kurt's hand like his own sanity that seemed so far away.


	16. Staring at the Sun

**A/n- hey, so this chapter is more focused on Kurt than the others. **

**Just FYI, I'm a lesbian, and even I find Kurt/Chris hot as hell. I really don't see how anyone could not think so. And I never think guys are hot. **

**Anyway, if anyone's interested, my tumblr is HeatherSyvilla dot tumblr dot com. **

**And I looked over this with sagging eyes, so I am so sorry for any mistakes made. **

**I do not own glee, please review!**

They had decided not to talk about Blaine's father for the time being, and Blaine was thankful. He hated his parents, he wished he never had to see them again, but it was hardly the hitting that bothered him most. Yet, that was the part that seemed to bother everyone else.

Blaine loved Kurt, and he really did enjoy Kurt's family, but he kept having to bite his tongue to keep from saying 'I'm sorry' every single time he made himself noticed. Maybe he was being stubborn, but he felt like he was intruding on Kurt's happy family with their group dinners and family television watching. Blaine had no idea how to act in that type of environment, and was almost waiting for some type of shout down or passive aggressive scene to happen at any moment.

Finn and Carole had both gotten back home at different times and had made themselves comfortable in the living room where Kurt and Blaine sat talking. Burt was watching a football game, and Blaine wondered if this was normal for most families. Did people in a family usually get along and enjoy each other's company? Did they usually sit together in the living room by choice?

Blaine didn't think he had sat down comfortably in his own living room since he was 5. Maybe not even then.

What really got to him though was the way they all interacted with each other. It was the small things that stood out to Blaine the most, like how if carol leaned over to grab something and brushed Kurt's arm, neither Kurt nor carol would flinch. Also, how if Burt started flipping through the channels and Finn said he saw something he wanted to watch, Burt would stay on that channel without so much as a snide look.

Sometimes Blaine had to keep himself from gaping at the whole lot of them. He thought of asking Kurt about it, but this all seemed so normal to him that Blaine decided to just let it go.

By the time they all went to bed, Blaine had said I'm sorry at least 2 dozen times, and ended the night by thanking Burt "so, so, so much" for letting him stay the night.

Blaine was set to stay in the guest bedroom and Kurt would wake him up for school the next day, but the boys hung out in Kurt's room for a while.

They were seated on Kurt's bed, Kurt in deep red pajamas and Blaine in soccer shorts and a tee shirt. Kurt was looking at Blaine suspiciously while Blaine's watched his thumbs as they twiddled together.

"Blaine, you want to say something. Every time you want to say something you twiddle your thumbs and make that sad puppy dog face." Said Kurt.

Blaine looked up at Kurt looking taken aback, but then moved in and kissed Kurt deeply.

It took a moment for Kurt to leave his startled stillness, but once he did, he placed his hands on Blaine's hips and guided them down so they were laying down, Blaine's torso on his own.

They kissed passionately, but slowly, and the feel of Blaine's lips on his make Kurt feel light headed, and he got the sudden urge to pull at Blaine's hair. Resisting this impulse, Kurt gasped for air as Blaine trailed kisses down his jaw line and onto his neck.

"Blaine…I- oh!"

"Hmm?" Blaine had started unbuttoning Kurt's pajama shirt, and it had sent both waves of pleasure and regret through Kurt's system.

"Blaine I-" Kurt thought how pathetic it was the he wasn't ready to go this far when he was 16, almost 17. Most boys his age had gone so far as losing their virginities at age 14, yet here he was, unable to be comfortable with taking his shirt off. "Blaine stop."

Blaine's fingers stopped immediately, and his lips stopped moving on Kurt's neck, but he did not move. Kurt rolled them over so they were on their sides facing each other, and he saw that Blaine looked confused, and slightly hurt.

"Blaine, I'm sorry, I know it's ridiculous… I just don't think I can, I mean not now."

Blaine still looked startled, and Kurt felt ashamed of himself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just, well it's just I've never done this before and it scares me. No one has even seen me shirtless since I was little and I just…" Kurt trailed off, his cheeks burning.

Kurt was startled when he felt Blaine's hand on his cheek, and when Blaine leaned in and pecked Kurt lightly. "Kurt, I just want you to be happy. Whatever makes you happy, love." Blaine kissed him again, and Kurt had to hold back tears.

) 0 ( ) 0 (

"BLAINE!"

Blaine bolted up from the bed, dazed and confused. In was obviously early morning, and it took him a moment to realize he was in Kurt's room. They must have fallen asleep in each other's arms. Blaine looked over to where Kurt had yelled his name, and saw Kurt staring at himself in the mirror.

"You gave me a hickey!" Kurt whispered conspiratorially, as if pointing out he had found a gun under the floor board.

Blaine grinned maliciously. "It's your fault."

Kurt simply gaped at him.

"You're the one who's always all… sexy." Blaine said casually, falling back down onto the bed and curling up on his side, facing Kurt who was blushing deeply looking sheepish.

"You think… you think I'm… really?" Kurt said, his eyes on his hands, his face turning an even deeper shade of scarlet.

It was Blaine's turn to gape at Kurt. Was Kurt serious? "You're joking right?"

Kurt looked up at him, then back down again, and he seemed to think Blaine had meant that the thought of him being sexy was ridiculous, because he turned away and muttered quietly, "sorry…"

"What? No! No Kurt," Blaine got up and walked over to Kurt, forcing him to meet his eyes. "I meant that I find it crazy that you would think you _weren't_ sexy. Jeeze Kurt, I can hardly control myself around you!"

Kurt simply looked confused.

"You really don't believe me, do you?" Blaine said softly.

Kurt opened his mouth, and then closed it again. After a long moment he said, so quietly Blaine had to lean in to hear, "I trust you, Blaine. But I don't think many people feel the way you do."

Blaine saw that Kurt looked sad. He looked as though being unattractive was some sad, accepted truth that was only part of life, like losing his mother or the fact that he was bullied. He looked as though he had concluded, and accepted the fact that he was ugly long ago, and that nothing Blaine said now could change his mind.

Blaine was completely confused. Sure, Kurt hadn't been so jaw dropping freshman year, but Blaine had not failed to notice the ever flattering weight loss and the features that grew into what they were suppose to look like. It was as if one day Kurt had been baby faced and chubby, but now he was handsome and… sexy. Blaine was taken aback every single time he even glanced at Kurt because he was so beautiful it made his heart sing. How could such an angel think so harshly of himself?

Blaine grabbed Kurt's cheeks with his hands and said firmly, looking straight into Kurt's eyes, "you are the most gorgeous, sexy man I have ever laid eyes on. Sometimes I find you so beautiful that I have to look away as if I had been staring into the sun. Please believe me."

Kurt didn't say anything, but he looked as though Blaine had just given him the world. Fresh tears welled up in his eyes, and the only thing Kurt could think to do, the only thing that seemed to express in any way what those words meant to him, was to kiss Blaine as if they would never be able to again.

**A/N- please answer this if you plan on reviewing: do you guys like it when writer's message back your reviews? I never do even though I want to, I always want to but I'm afraid people will find it annoying. **


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